Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
