You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
porn star boner night. come get it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
