dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
