nutella sex= disaster
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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