Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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