I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
