I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My vagina is officially offended.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
