Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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