Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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