so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
