i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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