is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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