I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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