i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize