so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
