Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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