so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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