Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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