the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
