She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
