Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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