I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
