Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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