I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
