What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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