Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
