Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
