Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were destined to go to rehab together
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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