your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
