I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
