Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
