I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
