But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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