I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
