i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
