I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i need some magic done to my vagina
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
