omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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