Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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