I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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