This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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