You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
