Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
