i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
