I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
