you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
