UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
