Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
