I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
