if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
