i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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