i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
