so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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