Me. At least after what I've been through.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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