DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
