Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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