It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
