Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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