Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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