The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
