I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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