drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
