When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
