Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
