hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
