I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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