worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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