We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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