Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
