I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
