You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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