I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
