I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
