Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
