Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
